Selfish
by Gratia Astra
Summary: After all this time, there is still one thing he cannot teach him. One-shot, possible spoiler alert, Fullbring arc, episode 345.


**Summary: After all this time, there is one thing that he still cannot teach Uryuu. **

**Time Frame: Fullbring arc, episode 345**

* * *

The drive itself is rather awkward. At least, for the girl it is. She fidgets and babbles on about random things that have absolutely no relevance to anything. He can feel her nervous energy bouncing around and her reiatsu is decidedly unimpressive. He wonders how his son can even stand this teenager, but is secretly glad that at least she cares about Uryuu. Deep down, so deep he refuses to even acknowledge it, he's secretly glad that Uryuu has a friend like Kurosaki too. But the former shinigami daiko is powerless now, so he doesn't bother with that thought. She glances at him every once in a while, but he doesn't have anything else to say to her. There are several times when she opens her mouth like she's about to ask him a question, only to decide not to and shut it again. He knows what the questions are but doesn't offer any answers.

It isn't until the car reaches the girl's apartment that she realizes she never told him the address. She starts to ask how he knows where she lives, but he cuts her off by saying good night. She seems to recognize something in his tone because she thanks him with a nod and shuts the door without another word. He drives away but continues to watch her in the mirror to make sure she reaches safety. He should go home, but instead he finds himself driving back to the hospital. He knows Uryuu will be asleep by the time he gets back. The child had lost too much blood on the street before the ambulance arrived. The surgery and the aftermath had clearly left his son exhausted. On top of that, dealing with his visitors had completed the job of draining Uryuu's energy. The boy had likely succumbed to unconsciousness the moment they'd left the room. He didn't need to monitor his son's spiritual pressure to know that. The child's weakening voice made it more than clear.

It's better this way. He understands this. This mask of calm, this seeming lack of emotion that leaves nothing but cooling ice, is better.

He knows how different it is for other families. He used to watch them, at the park, at the mall. He would usually stand, sometimes he would sit; always he would watch. He saw them laugh and play. Mothers would smile as their children giggled in equal delight. Sisters whispered to each other, already practicing their gossip skills. Brothers tumbled around in mock fights, not even a bit serious about trying to actually hurt each other. Fathers teased and taught their young followers. It looked...desirable. That closeness, the warmth that he could almost feel; yes it looked like something worth having.

But the more he watches, the more he sees. Mothers stop smiling as the children grow too old to giggle. Sisters stop whispering, already learning to be suspicious. Brother stop pretending to fight. Fathers stop teasing as they being to learn from their followers. They are too close. The warmth grows too hot to be comfortable. All around, everyone slowly decides they don't want what they have. The children grow up to find that the world is changing and if they are to survive they must change too. The children grow up and adapt and their parents are left behind; too old, too stiff, no help at all. It is the parents' duty to show their children what the world is like. The children grow up and find the world isn't at all what their parents told them it was. The children grow up depending on their parents, and sometimes they are the ones who get left behind.

Emotions are too revealing. The shadows are darker, but they can be safer than the sunlight. He has to be smart. He has to be strong. He has to be fast. He has to learn as fast as he can how to be smart and strong and fast. Emotions are a distraction. He's going to be the one that can survive. He's going to be the one that adapts. He's going to find out what the world is like on his own. He knows better than to depend on someone who's going to get left behind.

He grows up and realizes that to be exposed is to die. He understands that this way, it's better. Maybe it's not the best way, but nothing is perfect and this is still better. It is his duty as the Last Quincy to survive.

Many, many years later, he's still surviving. His father is dead and his son is worse. Uryuu claimed to be the Last Quincy, but he knows better. _He_ is the Last Quincy. Uryuu isn't trained enough, isn't skilled enough, to claim that title. Being the "last" Quincy doesn't mean the youngest, or the one born the latest. Being the _last_ means the one that survives beyond everyone else. Being the _last_ Quincy means the the Quincy that will make it through anything to carry on the name. The problem was that Uryuu didn't understand that.

From the day the child was born, he knew what was most important. Above everything else, this child, _his _child, had to live. Uryuu had to survive The moment he laid his eyes on the precious child, he knew that he would do anything to see to that. Uryuu had to survive, no matter the cost.

It didn't take long to realize his father didn't see the same way. He demanded his father stay away from his child. He ordered his son to stay away from the elder Quincy. And still the two conspired against him. Why couldn't his father see that teaching Uryuu such useless things would only endanger the child? Certainly, the child had enough spiritual power to see ghosts and spirits. But encouraging him to actually seek out Hollows for any reason was beyond comprehension. He saw to it that his son was capable of defending himself, but no more than that. He did not want his son to end up like every other member of his endangered race. Protecting souls was a job for Shinigami. He especially did _not _want his son interacting with those types. But even after the elder Quincy died fighting Hollows, his son still doesn't understand.

The boy is brilliant. Even at a young age, it is clear that his son is intelligent. His son is going to grow up to be strong and smart and fast. He is able to teach his son to adapt. His son learns that emotions are too revealing, nothing but unneeded distractions. His son learns that the shadows are darker but they are also safer. He is cold, but through this his son also learns to depend only on himself. He teaches his son not to depend on others, even his own parent. He tries to teach his son that to be exposed is to die. And he hopes that someday his son will understand that this way, it's better. Maybe it's not the best way, but nothing is perfect and this is still better. It will one day be his son's duty as the Last Quincy to survive.

But Uryuu still doesn't understand. Uryuu knows how to live. But what he secretly fears is that his son does not know how to survive. For all the child's brilliance, his son is a fool. For all that he has been able to teach the child, there is one thing his child refuses to learn.

No matter how hard he tries, he cannot teach Uryuu to be selfish.

It is the selfish who survive. When something dangerous comes, the survivor gets out of the way. The hero goes and fights it, and the hero dies. The survivor is the one who wants to _live on_. He understands that maybe it's not the best life, but nothing is perfect and this is better than dying. Why can't Uryuu see that if he dies, there will be no one left to carry on the Quincy name? Why can't Uryuu see that he must survive, at all costs? It infuriates him and sometimes he wants to throttle his son. If someone thinks him a coward, he will not argue. He is no coward, but at least _he _knows how to survive. Why can't Uryuu see that protecting souls and fighting with Shinigami is only going to get him killed? Rage burns through his mind and he has to retreat to the secret basement under the hospital to release it.

His son is going to _die_. Because his son is a hero, not a survivor. The fool.

He lashes out at the walls and floors. He curses and swears because no one can hear him. He strikes at the concrete again and again. Only now, in the darkest part of the night, does he allow himself to feel this way. Only here, does he allow himself to act like this.

He doesn't know how to teach his son to be selfish. He doesn't know how to tell Uryuu to survive, no matter the cost. He doesn't understand why his child can't learn this one thing.

Smoke rises from various burns around the room. He stands there long enough to catch his breath and regain his composure. Then he walks out the door and instantly resumes control of his emotions. His mask falls into place so effortlessly it takes no conscious thought. He ignores the elevator and takes the stairs. The door opens silently and suddenly his son is before him.

The child is asleep. A pair of glasses on the table shine in the moonlight that falls through the window. Uryuu looks too pale and his breathing is faster than normal. He reaches over to place his hand gently on the child's forehead. His temperature is higher than it should be, but it's not high enough to cause worry. He doesn't remove his hand.

He looks down at his precious child and wishes one more time that _someone_ would teach him to be selfish. He wishes that someone else would tell this child that he is important, and he must survive, whatever it takes. He wishes he knew how to do it, but he doesn't and the child refuses to listen to him anyway.

Ryuuken wishes that Uryuu understood that _he _has to live, because if he dies there will be nothing left for the Last Quincy to live for.

Because _he_ _is_ selfish.

He finally pulls his hand away, but he can't force himself to leave. He feels a tear fall down his cheek and curses mentally but doesn't wipe it away. He leans over Uryuu one more time and presses his lips to the child's forehead.

Then he turns and leaves as suddenly as he came because he can't stand it anymore.

As he leaves he whispers into the night, praying to anyone that might hear him, for _someone _to _please _teach his son to be_ selfish. _

It doesn't occur to him that maybe his son already _is_ selfish. But it's just a different kind of selfish, one that he can't understand.

It doesn't occur to him that maybe Uryuu is selfish because he doesn't care if he survives He only cares if his friends survive. Uryuu doesn't care about the sorrow and the pain and the anger he'll leave in his wake if he dies. He just doesn't want to see his friends in pain, so he'll go into danger and he'll protect the others because that's what _he _wants and he is just as selfish as his father. Maybe not so different after all.


End file.
